Phases of Grief

There are many different stages of grief and the one that hits us first is shock. Shock is a very intense feeling and it can be intensified by many things. Such as our attachment to the deceased, how they died , and whether it was a long illness or an unexpected death. When our children die it is magnified by hundred times. There are of course many reasons for this and one is because we don't expect children to die. But as I and many others have found out, they do. Death doesn't care about age. Or should I say God. Shock is an overwhelming feeling that leaves us feeling confused.
From what I can remember within the first few days of my shock, I was calm. As if I thought I shouldn't show my feelings. I sat at my kitchen table for many days with friends and family just talking about nothing. I made it through the viewing by walking around the whole time and talking to all the 500 people who came to show their support. At the time that seemed the thing to do. The thing that would help me but now I regret it. Why? Because I left my husband sitting next to Jonathan alone, most of the viewing. How could I do that? I say I have no regrets but that is one that I do have.

They say shock will wear off and then turn into confusion , and they are right. I have never been so confused about anything in all my life. I have been reading self help books and talking to many people in the last 3 years that have given me lots of advice and walked m through the phases of grief and up until recently I thought I was through most of those phases. Well guess what I have had a rude awakening because I am just now after 3 years coming out of the shock phase and headed into the awareness of his loss. There are 5 phases, I have a long way to go. I am beginning to gradually feel the intensity of Jonathan's death and wow is it strong.