I have to tell you that this was not the post I started with. I wrote a post explaining what happened on the worst day of my life. I almost finished the post when I decided to delete it all. I gues Im not as ready as I thought to tell the world how my Jonathan died. I really thought I was. Writing it wasnt as hard as I thougth it was gonna be but pushing that post button was a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be. There have been people that have asked me what happened and I have told all of them but for some reson I cant tell the whole world at one time.
The visions of that day weigh heavy on my heart and mind and maybe thats why I cant tell the whole world yet, becuase Im afraid of the weight it will then add to it all over again.I will tell you that although I am saddened at what I had to see I am glad that I am the one that did. Not becuase I can handle walking in on my son while dying right before my eyes but because there would be no one else in my family that could have handled what I saw.As difficult as it was for me it would of been a lot more difficult for my children or my husband.
People say Im strong, and others tell me to get over it and move on, I say I move on the best I know how and to those who say Im strong, I am only as strong as Jonathan and God allow me to be.
Misty, follow your instincts. If you feel the world (and your family) is not ready, then contain it. The day will come, but not until you (and they) are comfortable with it. I spoke about my child's death tonight with my friends, and eventually someone said "let's change the subject" so I knew they were not comfortable with my thoughts,and that's OK. I have people I can share with and some I can't. It's a lesson.
ReplyDeletemisty, i 100% agree with robin....when the time is right u will talk freely about your experience that u had and when it happens you probably won't even realize that it happen til it does....
ReplyDeleteMisty all you can do is take it one day at a time and just remember GOD never gives us more than we can handle.
ReplyDelete19-1/2 years ago when i lost my son i was given this poem on a wooden plaque.. It really helped me. I hope it helps you and any other parent who has lost a beloved child.
Our son's may be gone but are forever in our hearts.
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."
Mary Stevenson
Copyright © 1984 Mary Stevenson, from original 1936 text, All rights reserved