My Dear Jonathan
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
2 year anniversary
In two days it will be two years that my dear Jonathan will be gone. Not sure what do on that day. Do we go to dinner, movies, spend the whole day at the cemetary or do we do nothing? I want to do so many things to celebrate his memory but it is so hard. I cant handle most days let alone that day.All i can think about is what would he want us to do? Would he want us to just visit his grave and go home? Would he want us to have a balloon launch in his memory? The question for me to find the answer to is "what do we do on that day?"
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None of the above. I do not visit my son's grave (only twice in 30 years - both times left me physically ill and emotionally drained). He is not there. Celebrate the life of your precious baby boy. Maybe watch some videos of him with your family in remembrance (and smile and laugh at the good times you had.) Take out the photo albums and remember. I love the way you are sharing your and his friends' good memories on facebook. That is very therapeutic. As difficult as it is for you, imagine how it must be for your living children, for they ARE just children.
ReplyDeleteRobin believe me I know how painful this is for my children, I see it everyday. I am very upfront with my kids, they know when Im going to post something and they know about his blog. I would never post anything that they dont approve of or anything that would invade their privacy. As much as I feel I need this for me I am also hoping it will help my children.
ReplyDeleteWe have often thought of watching videos of Jonathan but we cant just yet. How do you bring your self to do that? Is it to painful, or will I never know until I watch them? We look at pictures all the time, and we have them hanging all over the house. I know that some people dont and thats ok, but this was one way my sons memory stays alive in our home.
The memories on Facebook is just another way for me to let evryone know waht kind of son we have lost, brother my children have lost, and friend so many lost. So many think I am brave for doing this and maybe I am but I dont think about bravery, I think about all the people, famil, friends that have so many questions and dont know how to ask. I am not selfish I know his death was not all about me.Thank you for your post and your great advice.Hope to hear from you again.
Misty, this is a post from one on FB frieds (who I do not really know personally, but we have become friends through losing a chile)
ReplyDeleteI love this post she made:
By Marie Hanley Shaw, who lost her 22 year old son (and a new father of a newborn baby boy) in an auto accident December 4, 2009.
Don't Tell Me
Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don’t tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don’t tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear every day,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.
i love the poem..it hits the right spot. every word of it is definatly true. thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI cry every time I read it, because I feel for her, and I feel for you (and me, too). We will never be the same as we were before. Love you, Misty, even though I don't even know you personally, we share a bond forever.
ReplyDelete