We all wonder why things happen, but do we ever get an answer? As far as Jonathans death I dont know if I will get that answer until we meet again. I think that is what makes it so hard.I always hear I should have comfort in knowing we will meet agian and I do but I cant seem to wrap my whole heart around it. I have no idea when we are gonna meet again maybe thats the problem. I am not ready to leave my other 2 children but I do know that when the day comes that I do get to hold Jonathan again it will be so emotional that everyone left here on earth will have to run for cover due to the rain drops (tears).
Things will never be the same in my life without him. I have missed Jonathan so much. Nomatter what I do or hard I cry to releave my emotions they always come back. There will forever be a huge a whole in my heart for him.
My Dear Jonathan
No, the answer will never come (in this life time). Because even if there were an answer, it would never be good enough. Sometimes, it helps me to think that maybe something worse would have happened to my child later in life (but then, what could be worse than death?). But maybe he would have suffered long and hard from some dreadful disease and died anyway. At least he didn't suffer too much. He died within 90 minutes of the auto accident and never regained consciousness, so I'm hoping he never felt any pain. Or maybe God let this happen so that I would never suffer anything worse in my life. Like I said, there are really no answers. It seems as if I have lived two different lives, one before and one after. I'm almost a completely different person, like I died with him and was born into another world. Does that even make sense?
ReplyDeleteoh yes robin it makes complete sense. I have no idea what would have happened in jonathans life if he would of lived but i to believe that it must of been something that he wasnt going to be able to handle. I know most people think "what could be worse than death" but i believe there are many things in life that are worse than going to heaven and being with our Father.
ReplyDeleteso many people tell me to move on and deal with it....really they do...but how do i do that?
you honor your son. just by what ur doing the websites or even a scholarship in his honor. u can even celebrate his life on his birthday maybe go to the schools and give lectures or parents groups they tell u to move on and deal with it because that is the way most people are raised. i was taught at an early age that u are born and then u die. u do not question GOD.. so when my son died i did just that i didnt question it to no body i didnt have internet 20 yrs ago i honored my sons death by watching a video of him on his birthday and the day of his death and never told anybody because i didnt want to be lectured by them nobody understands unless they have lost a child them selves and they never will until that happens
ReplyDeleteAMEN carol!!! thats all i can say
ReplyDeleteI hate it when people who have never lost a child try to give me advice on how to handle it. They have no place here, they just don't know what it's like. You don't just "move on." It is a day-by-day trial. Some days are better than others, but you never "get over it." There is no getting over losing your child, you may get THROUGH some of your days, but you just don't ever get over it. For the first few years, I baked by son a birthday cake on his birthday with a lone candle. I took a picture with his portrait beside it. I blew the candle out for him, because I do celebrate the day he was born, but I have NEVER held any kind of ceremony on his death anniversary. Nothing there to celebrate. Just hold my breath the entire day until it is over. Worse day of the year. I have good memories of his birthdays, Christmases, Easters, etc. but the anniversary of his death is a HORRIBLE day, I wish I didn't even have to remember it.
ReplyDelete