Well the plan was to have a heavenly celebration for Jonathan's birthday....that didn't happen! I always say I want to do certain things where Jonathan is concerned but I never do it. I have no idea why I even  say things out loud. Doing things in Jonathan's memory is something I dream of doing but for some reason as time passes its getting harder. I wish I knew why, I wish I could just follow through with these things. I don't even know what else to say about this, except that I am very disappointed in myself for never following through...........