Today I wake up and I want to write, but I am not sure what about. So I will write about what comes to mind and right now that is how I feel about all the people who disapear from your life after you have lost a child. I always had tons of friends and family before Jonathan died and I thought those same people would always be here for me, no matter what. I have come to find out that isnt always true. Im not sure if these friends, not really the family, understand what friendship is. I mean I still have many friends who care and support me but there are a few that I thought would never leave me alone and with out them. I understand that not everyone can deal with the loss of a child even if the child isnt theirs and I know that some people just dont know what to do for a parent in my situation so they think removing themselves from your life is the best thing to do Healing for them I geuss but Im not sure that is the right thing to do.
My experience has been that those who I counted on didnt want to be there and those that I didnt know before hand or I wasnt close to are the ones that I have grown to count on. When your best friend decides that they cant handle it and makes sure that you know it by not being there, what are you to do? Do you beg and plea for their shoulder and ear? Do you say that is fine I dont need you anyway? or do you do what we did and just drift apart?
My Dear Jonathan
You are so right, Misty, that's why so many couples get divorced after the loss of their child. One expects the other to help them through, but you can't help someone else when they feel the same pain that you do. My (ex) husband and I never talked about our child's death (however, that is not necessarily what caused us to divorce). Thank God, I had my sisters and my sister-in-law, who always WANTED to talk about it with me. I never received any counseling or joined any groups. I suffer in silence most of the time, because I know it makes people uncomfortable for me to talk about my dead child. We moved around a lot and I did not have that many close friends at the time. As a matter-of-fact, we had just recently moved to SC from Indiana when the accident happened. I didn't know very many people at that time and I was 7 months pregnant. I'm so sorry your friends deserted you, but like you said, they just didn't want to be around the sorrow and the pain. And I hope I'm one of the ones you can count on, because I do know your pain, and it hurts me that you hurt.
ReplyDeleteRobin,
ReplyDeleteAlthough some of my friends have deserted me I do have some that have stuck around through it all , one in particular , her name is Jenn. She is one friend that I am not afraid to say her name out loud because I am very thankful for her because with out her things would be so different for me. It is always nice to have a ear and a shoulder. She never judged me and didnt say Im sorry everytime I talked to her. what she did say was I could talk and she would listen even if she had nothing to say. Those are the best talks, when you get to just say whatever you want or need to say.
I geuss I dont understand why any would want to deserve their friends during what would ultimatley be the worst days of their lives.