forgetting

Forgetting? Who does that? Not me, atleast I dont want to. I know that forgetting all the things that surrounded his death I should probley put away some where in my mind. But I cant. That day and the few days to follow were the most horrific days of my life. How do you forget those days? Should I forget those days? Will I ever forget those days? These are just more questions I have that I dont know if I will ever get them answered.

Forgetting means letting go of agaonizing reminders of the time surrounding his death, guilt, shame, and of remorse.This is hard because we as parents, as mothers especially have a deep commitment to our child. Feeling that a huge chunk of my heart and soul has been removed is somrthing I dont think can ever be replaced.Although I want to forget sometimes I feel that if I do that means I would be saying he never exsisted in the first place. If I forget his death will I forget his birth? Which leads me to the next issue I have that I deal with on a daily basis. I dont remember his birth. Does that mean in someway I have already forgotten? As I ask that question I know that I havent forgotten because the day of his death is still so vivid in my mind. That is not the vision I wnat to see all the time. The day he was born would be the ultimate vision. Maybe one day I will remember.